Saying "YES!" To God When Everything In You Is Screaming "NO!"

Scared. Doubtful.

This how I was feeling when God called my husband and I to His service in late 2008.

My husband had come to the Lord in 2008, at the same time as I returned to Christ myself, through some life-altering experiences. Our first leading of God was as it referred to our relationship - I was a twice-divorced woman with kids and he'd never been married, but as we were living together as a couple - God rather quickly impressed upon us that this was contrary to His will for us - that we needed to get married.

We also were led to find a church where we could learn and grow both together and as individuals.

Both objectives were found in the same place - and a wonderful church family became a major part of our lives. Tim was also baptized that April. (I had been baptized years ago - and did not feel I needed to be re-baptized - though I did renew my profession of faith)

Tim & I were married, in our church, on June 6, 2009. The following month, the congregation voted unanimously to accept us as members. We thought this was the sum total of what God asked of us.

Oh, how wrong we were!!!

As early as December of 2008, both Tim & I had been wrestling, independently of each other, with the feeling of being called to committed service, full time, for God. I was certainly not ready - or willing - to go there. I had just spent the last 20 years of my life with my back turned to God - on purpose! I had to get myself "centered" and "grounded" for a long period of time - maybe years! before I would be ready to do anything like service work - or so I thought. I mean, you had to study for years and go through special training and be really, specially "called" to serve God, right?

The answer was a resounding “no”.

God is no respecter of persons – and, as we found out, he will choose whom He will choose – regardless of whether or not we think we’re the right choice!

I mean, I really believed that if God was really choosing me – us – for this, then our attitude(s) would be different. I/We’d be like, “If God would just give me/us a chance to do something special for Him, I(we)'ll go. I(we)'ll serve. I(we)'ll sacrifice. Whatever it takes, I/we am/are ready!”

Right?!?!?

And, since neither of us were feeling that way – we spent months questioning the feelings & impulses (yes, we called them everything but a leading of the Holy Spirit!) we were both having. Once we got up the courage to actually talk about it together ( and, believe me, that was a very awkward conversation!), we both tried to find other explanations for it – even to the extent of thinking it might be a ploy of Satan to derail our newly found/rediscovered faith.

Finally, at our wits end, we took our concerns to our pastor. Man, did I ever feel stupid, though!  What right did I have to think that I was being called to serve the very God I had spent years vilifying and cursing against? Leading people to the very gates of Hell because of my anger towards Him? Wouldn’t He rather make sure I was tucked away, quietly, in some backwater where I couldn’t’ cause any more trouble? Thank God our pastor and his wife had also been called to serve God in an unexpected way – and their prayers, support and guidance helped us tremendously!

I often think, now, that Paul must have felt this way himself, at times. After all, he’d started off persecuting the followers of the Way (as the early Christians called themselves), even holding the garments of those who stoned Stephen, the first martyr.

As I read Paul’s letters, I hear, sort of as an undercurrent, his exhortations as coming from a broken and contrite heart. He must have had times when he bowed his face into the dust in grief over those he’d caused to be tortured, persecuted and even put to death – following his personal encounter with and conversion by Christ on the road to Damascus.

If anyone felt unworthy to be used of God, I imagine Paul did. I can relate!

Often, after thinking of this, that niggling voice of Satan in the back of my head will then say to me, “Well, at least Paul had the experience of Christ Himself actually appearing to him and calling him to His service. He certainly hasn’t done that with you!”

I tell the devil to shut up! A lot!!!

And then, there is Moses.

Now here was someone I KNOW would understand my feelings! A man, a convicted murderer even, who’d fled Egypt, fearing for his own life twenty years before, sees an amazing sight: a bush, on fire!, but not being burned up! He goes to investigate – and, lo and behold! He finds himself in an encounter with the great I AM Himself. God tells him He has chosen him to free His people, Israel, from their slavery and oppression in Egypt – that Moses would be sent to Pharaoh to demand the release of His children from bondage. Moses responds that he doesn’t speak well, and, besides, he isn’t the right person for this anyway – can’t God send someone else? Someone better?

Seven plagues and a parting of the Red Sea later – Moses still had his moments of doubt. He was barred from entering Canaan because of it. But – he did do what God sent him to do. Eventually.

Then you have the story of Jonah.

Another man, called by God, to do His will by telling the people of Nineveh that their sins were so great that God was going to destroy them. Jonah, for his own reasons, didn’t want to tell the Ninevites anything –so he ran away from God! After spending some time in the belly of a whale he did what God asked of him – and God’s will was accomplished.

Reading these Scriptures, - Tim & I got the message.

Sooooooo... after months of soul-searching, prayer, discussion with our pastor and a LOT of talking – Tim & I finally bowed our heads and said “yes.” to God. It’s been very interesting for us ever since! ~chuckle~

Yet, when any of us receive God’s calling in our lives, no matter what that call is, our fear can blind us and even make us deaf to His voice. Our fear can scream louder than that still, small voice within us. And, to be honest, we think too, that the church is a place of safety and comfort – not a place of preparation, much less a diving board from which we push off to dive into the work of our Father.

A lot of the time we pray to God and ask Him to use us the way He wants to, that His will be done in our lives. But, then, when God is ready to use us, when it comes time to take action, and He says, “Ok, time to go to work” - we run away.

Why?

We're scared. Maybe, like Moses we're thinking we haven't "got what it takes" to serve God. We’re afraid that when we talk, people won't listen to us, make fun of us - or even worse. We don’t want to say the wrong thing, either. I mean, God forbid that through my own lack of knowledge and education a soul for God should be lost because I didn’t know the right Bible verse or didn’t know enough to answer a question!

Or, like Paul, because of past deeds and mis-deeds - we're remorseful and full of shame and guilt, not knowing how God could possibly even consider using us after everything we've done and been.

Maybe we’re worried about our reputations and appearances, afraid of the consequences of getting right down in with the sinners, just like Jonah - a righteous Jew who normally would've had no truck with filthy Gentile sinners like the Ninevites. 

These are all things that keep us from responding to God affirmatively when He calls us to His work.

Yet we need to understand that God isn’t throwing us into the pool to sink or swim on our own! God didn't tell Moses to face Pharaoh with his own strength but instead to simply be His representative before the king. God promised Moses He would even put His words in Moses’ mouth – Moses did not need to fear speaking wrongly or badly. 

We have to put our trust in the One who calls us rather than on our own strength or wisdom.  In 2 Timothy, Paul writes:  “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

I simply have to trust God to be God.

For me, these words ring even more closely to home because of my issues with my weight, smoking, etc. Self-discipline is something I have proven through my entire life that I seriously am bad at – how can I serve God if I can’t even control this stuff? Yet, I have to know, understand and believe that God knows better than I do – and He will ensure that I do His will – if I simply trust Him to do it – and not try to do it myself.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5 NIV)

We can trust God to do as He has promised – but, even more so, we can trust Him to do what is best for us – because He knows us better than we even know ourselves!

Moses felt incompetent to talk to Pharaoh.  Jonah had some issues with anger and even hatred for the people God was sending him to speak to on His behalf. Paul was a murdering zealot with a heart full of hatred and anger towards those whom he saw as threatening his faith, his people, his way of life.

And then let us not forget Gideon. (Judges 6,7)

When God called him, He said to Gideon: "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." Gideon didn't listen too well, though, to what God was telling him. Even though Gideon had displayed courage by taking care of his family and doing difficult tasks in moments of great danger, when God called him he felt soul-shaking fear and inadequacy. God knew that Gideon was brave because of his past behavior, yet the first thing He said to him was: "The Lord is with you..." God knew Gideon was afraid - and He even allowed Gideon to test Him with the fleeces to bolster Gideon's faith and increase his trust in God.

And here we see another wonderful thing about God's calling in our lives. What God calls us to - He prepares us to do. No one knows us better than God. He knows our weaknesses - and our strengths.

Recall how often God has used someone that, in the eyes of the world, was completely unsuited to the task set before them:

A childless man and his barren wife became the ancestors of a people of millions of descendents – and of the whole earth

A convicted murderer was sent to free a captive nation from an oppressing tyranny…

A prostitute hid and saved the servants of God in Jericho…

A small boy was sent to slay a giant - with a stone…

Another small boy was sent to prophesy and teach the king and the entire nation of Israel…

An unmarried (though betrothed) teenage girl was chosen to be the mother of our Savior…

"…you must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD." (Jeremiah 1:7b-8 NIV)

How big is your God? How powerful is He? How large is His domain?

In each example of calling people to His service, God said: "I am with you." God has the alternative to all your excuses, the solution to all your problems - God guarantees your safety - AND - He will provide whatever you need to execute the task that He has entrusted you to do!!! Moses had speech problems - God gave him Aaron to speak for him (though Moses wound up doing his own speaking after the first time - maybe seeing that first plague gave him courage to really trust God at His Word!).  Jeremiah protested that he was only a child – and God told him, “I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” (Jeremiah 1:9b-10 NIV)

Because God is eternal and doesn't change, in Him we can have a sure foundation. Our lives, all human ingenuity and thought, and even the physical universe itself, these are all temporary. Basing our lives on them - we aren't and can't be secure. Only God and his truth are eternal and sure! "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)

Remember - only God can impact a life through His Holy Spirit. We are only His chosen instruments - tools in His Hands - to do His will, to be the conduit through which He causes His will to be done. Could God do things differently? Of course he could - He is, after all, God! But, in His infinite wisdom and love and in His desire to draw all humankind to Him, He chooses to work through His people. Each of us is called - in some way - to serve Him. It's different for each of us, because He has created each of us uniquely for His purposes.

When God chooses you to serve Him, nothing will be effective enough to thwart His purposes – not even YOU. Through the lives of Moses, Paul, Jeremiah. Jonah, Gideon, and others, we learn to not let anything intimidate us; God is more than powerful enough to defeat any obstacle that could prevent us from doing His will. If we listen when God speaks to us, then understand - believe – that whenever and to whatever God calls you, He will always support you with His presence, never sending you on your own - He will go before you.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose… What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:28 & 31 NIV)

So – when God calls you (and He will!) – be ready and say “Yes, Lord – here I am!” Don’t be afraid and don’t fear – for God will provide for you and will care for you. "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:26 NIV)

May God bless you, the Holy Spirit granting you wisdom so we may be joined together in praising and glorifying God through our Savior Jesus Christ…

~Heidi Roberts, December 8, 2010©